Tattoo Manifestations

The Folly of Youth

I got my first tattoo in Atlanta, probably 20 years ago at this point. I was much younger and naive. Not really thinking too much about the future. And like most starting out their tattoo journey, I didn't make great choices.

But this story is less about the past, than it is about the present and the future.

Shame is an External Force

One of my older tattoos became a major place of shame for me. I got a barber pole on my left forearm that I really liked. It was an iconic piece of Americana, and I was born on the 4th of July, so I respond to traditional American iconography, and fireworks.

Eventually, and very shortly afterwards, when people started asking me if I was a barber, I would respond, 'No, I'm a software engineer.' to a mixture of puzzled looks. After a few years of these responses, I began to cover my forearms as shame took hold of my being.

So in 2019, I tried laser treatment to get it removed. It didn't go well. He burned & scarred me, and I was left with a worse looking tattoo that was somewhat lighter. It was awful. I have pictures of the aftermath, but I will save you the discomfort of seeing the final results of this botched procedure.

My Redemption Arc

Fast forward to this year, I decided that I wanted to pursue a cover-up tattoo that would hide my shame with a symbol of my homeland, an alligator. I have Cajun heritage, and I'm frequently homesick, so I wanted something to remind me of who I am and where I'm from.

The Search

I went searching for a Bay Area tattoo artist and was met with the realization that I could only truly source a tattoo artist by searching on Instagram. There had to be a better way.

A dear old old friend of mine, Bubba suggested that I contact Moses Saarni at Black Heart Tattoo in San Francisco. I saw his work on Instagram and loved his style. It was perfect, and was the Classic American style I was hoping for.

I messaged him on Instagram and asked if he would be interested in helping me with the cover-up. He agreed, so I sent him some pics and set a date.

My Coverup

He was so good to me. I know that tattoo artists do coverup work, but it's challenging. Imagine painting a new piece on a canvas that was already scrawled upon. It's difficult work, and he never complained about it.

I was thrilled with the way it turned out. Since I showed you my original tattoo, you'll see whispers of the past. But they don't compare to the beauty he transformed my shame into.

It healed perfectly and I had renewed confidence to start collecting sleeveless shirts to show off this piece and work on my tan. Then I quickly realized that I had this big beautiful tattoo and the rest of my arm was empty. It looked great, but I wanted to fill in my right forearm to compliment this piece.

My goal for my right arm is to dedicate it to my swampland of Cajun heritage. So I looked to the land for inspiration and found the Eastern Diamondback Rattlesnake, which is a native land predator to Eastern Louisiana, and would make a sick tat.

So about 2 weeks later I was in Moses' care for my rattlesnake tattoo. He nailed it again, and absolutely got the direction that I was heading down with my tattoo journey. The scale and placement was perfect, and it balanced my right forearm perfectly. I just love it.

It healed pretty well, but there were some scabs that formed, which took some of the ink out of his work. I should have used the Recovery Derm Shield immediately after getting the tattoo. I won't make this mistake again.

Happy with my work on my right forearm, since it looked balanced now, I began to dream about the rest of the work I wanted on my right arm.

Nurturing Sacrifice

One of the more iconic representations of Louisiana is on the State Flag. There’s a mother pelican who pecked her breast to provide her own blood to feed her 3 hungry baby chicks. It’s a symbol of self-sacrifice for the benefit of others. I love it, and it’s so metal.

I reached out to Moses on Instagram again and mentioned what I wanted to do with the Pelican tattoo, and he was totally onboard with it. So I booked another appointment about a month out from my rattlesnake tattoo, to give my body some time to heal.

When I went back it was the day after Black Heart Tattoo celebrated their 20 year anniversary. Tattoo artists from around the world came down to party with the crew. And everyone was leaving that day, so there was a parade of tattoo artists dropping by Moses' station while he was working on me. It gave me a glimpse into the community of the artists, and the love they share for one another. It was a day of tender goodbyes, of male bonding and appreciation. I was touched by the whole experience.

Moses told me about the parties, the friendships, and the life of being a tattoo artist. The tattoo conventions he's attended around the world, and the global respect for his studio.

I thanked Moses for his work and mentioned that it's been transformative for me. I walk through this world with more confidence, firmly planted in my own 2 feet because of his work. I'm beginning to see the person that I was all along projected outwardly. He was really appreciative of my sentiment, and thanked me for the compliment.

The Pelican tattoo came out beautifully.

With the Alligator & Snake tattoos, he used a combination of black, grey and white to do the highlighting and shading. This time around for the Pelican he only used black ink. And he took extra time and care with shading the wings & feathers, and filling in the nest. It's exquisite work, and I'm so proud that it's part of me.

Marching Forward

When I went back to considering getting more work done for the Barber Pole coverup, I didn't know how it would affect me. It's been an incredible boon to my mental health, and my self confidence. Even if I wasn't actively thinking about my body shame, it was always there.

But I knew it was an issue, and I addressed it, not by eradicating it, but by embellishing it. The barber pole is still there, it's just underneath something even more beautiful.

At this point, I'm mapping out my future tattoos. My right arm is dedicated to Louisiana, and my left arm is dedicated to the Pacific Ocean and all of her influences.

I'm eager to see how this all plays out, and map my journey on my body.